Memories are nightmares made real
by BML Hillen-Keene
Summary: Loki is drugged at a bar and bad things happen. can Thor reach his little brother before his shame gets to be too much? set after the film


_Disclaimer: I own not_

_Another Prompt fill... not quite what the prompter had in mind, but I couldn't help myself. Forgive me my madness. Loki is drugged, raped and assulted. if it squicks you don't read it._

Loki could only assume that it was what passed for drink on Midgard that did it. He had never had any such problems with Mead in Asgard. But Mead did not seem to be in great supply here, in this club he had been dragged to.

He had been prepared to spend his days in lonely, bitter solitude, building his anger over time, readying himself to become everything he had loathed. He had been born a monster, was it not then fitting that she should behave as one, and die as one? That had been before Thor had found a way to return to Midgard, and had sought him out, and had told him in all honesty that it had not been his fault.

None of it had been his fault. And Loki had collapsed under his brothers certainty, and now there was no growing bitterness. Just the lingering saddness and guilt. He had been moping Darcy, the young woman that was always with Thor's female, had told him, and that was how he had been roped into joining her, Thor and Jane in a club, drinking alcohol that was making him feel very, very unsteady.

His broth... Thor had been ignoring him him most of the night; and while this would not normally bother Loki, who was all too used to haing Thors gaze wander to some woman during any meeting they had, something about the humans drink made him all to aware, and hurt.

Loki had been in love with Thor for a long time. He had fought it, rationalised it, ignored it, and had even tried once to spell it away. But the sad truth was that Loki desired the man he had veiwed as his brother. Since he had discovered that he was not, in fact, Thor's biological brother, a great weight had lifted off his chest; it was no longer such a terrible secret to hold. Though it remained a secret still; for he knew Thor still considered him a brother.

When the room started spinning, Loki decided it might be safer to leave; but he had somehow managed to lose his companions; no mean feat when Thor was as ridiclously tall as he was. He blinked blearily and wandered until he found a seat and sank into it gratefully; maybe he would wait here for the spinning to stop... maybe Thor would come find him soon.

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His eyes opened blearily, and he jerked when he felt a hand scrabble with the zipper of the jeans Darcy had insisted he wore. He was on his back... when had he laid down? Music still pounded and the world was still spinning and blurry, so he knew he must still be in the club. He squinted at the figure the hand belonged too, taking in the blurred golden halo of hair and broad shoulders clad in red.

"Thor?" he croaked, mouth uncomfortably dry.

"Shh." said the figure.

Loki closed his eyes again, content that it was his brother.

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His eyes flew open again a number of miniutes later when he realised the jeans were down at his knees and a hand was rubbing him, making him hard and achy. This was somehow wrong... but why was it wrong? He groaned as he felt a wet finger insert itself into him.

"Thor?" he mouthed, the words not even reaching voice, as he tried to piece together what was happening.

The golden figure above him did not speak, just pushed him further into the shadows of the secluded seat, further from prying eyes, and inserted another finger.

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There was only flashes after that, of pain, and cruel words, of soundless begging and desolation. Of cold, and fear. And then there was nothing.

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"He'll be alright Thor." Jane said, resting her hand on Thor's shoulder.

Thor looked up, expression a mix between murderous and pure sorrow. "He was drugged, and molested in a fashion that I would see the perpetrator smashed to pieces for." he said, voice dark, and frightening.

Jane withdrew her hand, a little frightened by the barely restrained violence in the man she had come to care for.

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"Thor STOP!"

The terrifed cry woke both Loki and Thor together, and things happened so quickly after that Thor was left confused and scared for his brother when Loki bolted from the bed, flinching from the steadying hand Thor held out to offer him aid.

He was left cold when he realised what the words and the actions meant. When he fully realised what the pain in his brothers eyes spoke of.

"Loki." he began, but his words dried up and he could not find them again.

Loki sank to the floor, exhausted still from the drugs, and his ordeal; and Thor was devestated to witness his brave little brother dissolve into tears. Jane had explained this, had told him that Loki's emotions would likely be erractic, and that he would likely cry more than anything else. It was a side effect of the drug and what he had suffered she had told him. But to witness it very nearly broke Thor's heart.

He went to Loki and gathered him to him, glad when his brother stopped fighting him and gave in to his comfort.

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"I thought he was you." Loki admitted quietly some days later, stoking the fires of Thor's rage without intention. "That was why I didn't stop him." He had looked away in shame then, and Thor could do nothing more than pull him closer.

He had never had feelings more than he should towards his brother; but he had not been blind to Loki's growing feelings, and had felt before that ignoring them ad been best... Prehaps had he not, had he confronted Loki on these feelings, then mayhaps this deed would never have come to pass.

But then, Loki had never come to him with his feelings, had never demanded more than Thor could give him as a brother. Hos brothers feeling were prehaps the last on the list of reasons this happened.

"It was not your fault brother." he said, his voice laced with affection and love. "The drug you were given made you unable to stop him."

When Thor found the man, he would kill him; because anyone who would set out to weaken someone like this deserved a special kind of justice.

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Loki had left the house he shared with his brother, for the first time since the... he swallowed hard and forced himself to think the word... rape, had occured. He was becoming more and more frustrated by Thor. His brother had been nothing but helpful, kind and loving since he had awoken; but Loki could not stand it.

His brother did not love him, not as he loved him, and he had known it for such a long time.

It was disgusting of him to wish that it had been Thor... that perhaps he might get some part of him in that way. He could withstand the pain, the degredation, and the sorrow if it had been Thor. But it had not been. It had been some stranger he had mistook for his brother... some stranger who had taken from him by trickery and force that which he had not wanted to give.

Even Loki, who had before gone to some depraved lengths in his tricks, would never take from another what had been so cruely stolen from him. He closed his eyes and leaned against the nearest wall, banging his head lightly against to clear his thoughts.

"I said back off asshole!"

The words startled him, as did the voice. Darcy?

Loki pushed himself off the wall to look. A large man was harrassing the girl, and though Loki would be the first to admit her somewhat irritating, he had grown somewhat fond of her, and it was obvious that she was being rather rudely harassed. With his own pain so close, he stepped forward, intent to feel stronger once more and said.

"Leave the lady alone sir."

The head turned to him, and Loki was suddenly frozen in place as he was pushed back into the bleary, unclear memories of that night. His breathing became tight and shallow and he wished he was anywhere else. He barely felt the rough bricks as they dug into his back as he was pressed against them, and he cursed the tears that gathered as a large hand slipped easily into his trousers.

As memory clashed with present, his mind could not focus enough to do anything, no spells sprang to the fore, and when he did try to struggle he was merely pressed back further, pain blossoming in his head.

"Come for another round whore?" that cruel voice asked him wickidly. "I knew you would." there was a laugh that sent a chill right through Loki. "Little fucks like you always come back to me once they realise that no one else wants them."

Loki squeesed his eyes shut and searched desperately for his calm space, his spell space; but all he could think was that this man was right. No one else wanted him... Thor would not want him. Not when he realised that Loki had allowed himself to be taken not once, but twice by such a man.

Then came the Storm

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Jane had convinced Thor to let his brother have his time to think, which he clearly needed. But Thor had done nothing but pace and worry from the second the door had closed behind Loki. And matters did not improve when Darcy burst into the house babling about a man and Loki.

Thor was gone before Darcy had even finished speaking.

The Scene he arrived apon would be burned in his memories forever, and his rage, fuelled and stoked by Loki's continued spirial into self loathing that he could not prevent boiled over. He ripped the man from his brother, concerned when Loki slid to the ground, leaving a small trail of blood as he did.

The first hammar blow shattered the mans right hand, the second his left, the third his right knee and the fourth his left. Thor stood over the man, knowing beyond a shadow of all doubt that this was the very man that had harmed his Loki... had made his Loki feel worthless and alone. The fifth blow would be to his head, because such people deserved a final kind of justice.

"How does it feel to be as helpless as your victims?" Thor asked, expecting no reply, the man was a coward when faced with someone who could hurt him.

"Thor!" the shout of horror was from Jane; but Thor ignored her. This matter would be dealt with by the old laws. He raised his hammer, intent on the last blow.

"Thor." that was Loki, a small pleading sound that made Thor stay his hand and look back. His brother had pulled himself shakily to his feet and stood swaying and fearful. "Don't."

Thor frowned. "You would grant this man mercy?" he asked harshly, regretting his tone when Loki flinched.

But Loki steeled himself and met Thor's eye. "It would serve no honour killing him; and your reputation would be damaged."

"Damn my reputation!" Thor thundered. "This flith defiled you Loki, and he shall not go unpunished!"

Loki looked away then.

Thor lowered his hammer, knowing he could not kill the man; not if doing so would cause Loki to suffer further. "Is my reputation so precious to you Loki?" he asked.

Loki refused to look at him. "You are not the Allfather Thor." he whispered. "Please do not become like him. Leave the human to the human's justice."

Thor could read Loki's shame, and could see it was not only the shame of being defiled; but a shame far greater. Killing the man would somehow harm his Loki, and he could not allow that. He pulled his brother into a firm embrace. "Come Loki, we shall return home."

He left that place without a backward glance, heeding not the confusion of Jane and Darcy, nr the pained moans of the worthless man on the ground. His only desire was to take Loki somewhere safe, and to find some way to remove the shame from him forever.

_Yes, a little Thor/Loki, but it could be taken either way I suppose. Up to the reader. I hope you enjoyed._


End file.
